It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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