cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
