listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
