I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
