At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
