By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
