If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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