I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
