I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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