she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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