I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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