cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
