If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize