thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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