when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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