btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize