There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
