i need an iv and a liver transplant
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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