Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
