We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
