yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
