everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
