her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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