He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
