Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
