You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
