Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize