Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
