ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
