you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
