I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
