at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
