There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
