Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
