TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
