she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
