Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
