I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
