And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need to stop coming to work sober
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
