Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
