oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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