btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
