i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
