Can i not drive my cunt home
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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