from now on my penis is your penis
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
