WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
