It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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