Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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