Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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