I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
