she looked like the before picture.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize