I smell stomach acid.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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