using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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