What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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