She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
