My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
