two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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