Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
