im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize