doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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