I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
