he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
