apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
