Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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