Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
