U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
