You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
