someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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