sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize