So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
