I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this boner is exhausting
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
