My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
