Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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