In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
